


Hairy Customs

by lunawolf8074



Series: dwarf shorts [37]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Courtship, Dale - Freeform, Dancing, Dwarf Customs, Dwarves, Erebor, F/M, Gen, dancing/singing dwarves, dwarves love their hair to much, song:hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8170795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunawolf8074/pseuds/lunawolf8074
Summary: It is the readers engagement party and she finds out about a bizarre custom dwarves have that involves their hair.





	

**Author's Note:**

> its best if you listen to this song at the point in story to add more depth to it. i will indicate when you should start it **/**
> 
> https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=A0LEVvBCve5XqTAAiV4PxQt.?p=hair+song+with+lyrics&fr=yhs-adk-adk_sbnt&fr2=piv-web&hspart=adk&hsimp=yhs-adk_sbnt&type=appfocus29_ma_cr#id=1&vid=3c7a2ff6d0d4b291437dfc3bbad28542&action=view

Song: Hair, from the movie- Hair.

It was dark outside of the mountain of Erebor..the land was settling in for a peaceful slumber...inside the mountain a great feast was going in celebration of the King Under the Mountain's engagement to Lady (Y/N), Dale King Bard's younger sister. King Thorin met the young woman back in Lake Town ,before Smaug came down from the mountain to set the poor, derelict watery town ablaze, where she had recently moved to so she could help her older brother Bard in taking care of his children and him. When the company of Dwarves had forayed into the Bowman's home she was the one who found dry clothing for the wet men to wear...it was then that she met the proud and honorable dwarf king, Thorin Oakenshield. As she handed him a faded blue shirt for him to wear their fingers brushed , sending a electrified jolt along her skin making her eyes jerk up to gaze into his intense blue gaze...both knew in that moment the other felt that spark within. His countenance relaxed from his angry and sullen look into one of gentleness as he smiled at the young woman offering him the dry shirt...she felt her heart race at the sight of that smile and when he spoke to her she knew her heart was lost to this Dwarf who would later on lead his people to victory over the vast goblin and orc army that dared to invade and threaten the land of Esgaroth. 

Thorin had almost paid the price for freedom of his people by nearly succumbing to death from a grievous wound that was inflicted upon him by his ancient enemy, Azog, during the fight but (Y/N) proved stronger than death when she walked into his tent where he laid upon a bed withering away and cajoled him...( more like annoyed him) into living again. She refused to let him die as she arduously tended to his wounds as he griped, hollered, and grumbled loudly...he even at one point confessed his love for her, but she assumed that was the wound fever talking at that time. Once the fever passed and he was strong once more she made to leave him to his people, prepared to never see him again for she was a daughter of man and he was a son of Mahal..believing he would never truly want her, but he halted her departure and once more laid his heart bare to her. Thorin's words of how he cherished her gentle ministrations while caring for him in his time of sickness, how her beautiful and nurturing nature charmed him so...there was no way he could help from falling in love with her...her beauty, her strength, and her tenacity won him over like no woman...dwarf, human or elf..ever had before in all his years. He proclaimed his desire to court her there in that tent along the edges of the battlefield and she accepted for she knew in her heart he was the only man to walk the face of Middle Earth who completed her like no other could. They both kept their courtship a secret for a while for they both agreed to wait till Erebor and Dale were more habitable and stable to support their people which took a year and a little bit of help from Thranduil the Mirkwood King until finally both kingdoms were safe and secure for both people...that is when they both announced to all about their desire to join in matrimony soon. 

So now here sat (Y/N) , along with her brother Bard,next to Fili, Heir Prince of Erebor, at the large table watching dwarves mill about the floor with tankards of ale in hand in celebration of their King finally going to settle down with a spouse of his own. As some passed by her, they would bow before moving past and slugging back some ale from their large cups where the golden liquid would spill from the corners of their mouth and down into thick beards that were beautifully adorned with masterfully crafted decorations of various styles of metals. As she sat there looking at them all her mind began to wonder if there was a meaning behind all that hair...the way they stroked it reverently..the way they postured around each other , proudly displaying it...it all must mean something..right? She wanted to ask her fiancee Thorin but he had to leave the room for a few minutes to deal with something that came up...so the only person she felt comfortable enough to ask was Fili. So slowly she leaned over, trying to be as discreet as possible, and asked him about it.

"Fili. Why do you all wear so many adornments in your hair?" he turned his blue eyes onto her and kindly answered ...knowing she needed to learn more of their customs if she was going to live among Dwarves.

"That's easy to answer. We do that because our hair is so long and needs to be kept out of the way...otherwise it would be all over the place. So we bind it all as artfully as we can to show our pride in it all." his smile indicated it was a fine and perfect answer...nothing more simple than that. (Y/N) just stared incredulously at him..not understanding how that explained anything at all.

"What? If it is in your way, why don't you just cut it instead?" she realized to late that she may have spoken a bit to loud judging by the gasps she heard as the room went deathly silent at her words. Looking around she began to stutter an apology for her outburst but her words were stalled when Fili suddenly stood up and looked at the dwarves around...eyes widened in surprise greeted him as he gazed at each one there...then he began to softly sing into that silence...filling it with his beautiful voice as he placed a hand over his heart.

**PLAY SONG**

 

 

She asks me why, I'm just a hairy guy

I'm hairy noon and night, hair that's a fright  
I'm hairy high and low, don't ask me why, don't know  
It's not for lack of bread, like the grateful Dead, darlin'

Fili glanced at her and gave her a wink as she stared at him in confusion....suddenly the once silent dwarves joined in and (Y/N) sat there in shock as she clutched the arms of her chair...suddenly seeing men releasing their hair from their bindings they had them in...even Kili joined in as he began to sing along, pumping his fist into the air in tempo with the music.

Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair  
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen  
Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer  
Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy

Hair, flow it, show it  
Long as God can grow, my hair

Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees  
Give a home to the fleas, in my hair  
A home for fleas, a hive for the buzzing bees  
A nest for birds, there ain't no words  
For the beauty, splendor, the wonder of my hair

Flow it, show it  
Long as God can grow, my hair

As they sang before her (Y/N) saw them whipping their hair about making it fly all around them in colorful halos as they danced around the room...her eyes followed Kili as he was jumping around in his excitement..hands in the air..encouraging the singers to really get into the song.

I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty  
Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen  
Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided  
Powered, flowered and confettied  
Bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied

Suddenly a group of men , including Kili,marched up close to where she sat..hands up in a salute as they sang deeply...(Y/N) clutched her chair tighter as she saw Kili give her a happy wink.

Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can  
Then my hair's too short  
Down with here, down to there  
Down till there, down to where it's stuck by itself

They'll be ga-ga at the go-go, when they see me in my toga  
My toga made of blond, brilliantined, biblical hair  
My hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah I adore it  
Hallelujah Mary loved her son, why don't my mother love me?

There was a bounty of Dwarves leaping about in their exuberance waving their hair around...their joy and pride for their hairy prosperity was very evident to (Y/N) as it swirled around them in colorful ribbons.

Hair, flow it, show it  
Long as God can grow  
My hair, flow it, show it  
Long as God can grow  
My hair, flow it, show it  
Long as God can grow  
My hair

 

Thorin walks in at that moment and see's a room filled with Darrows with hair floating loose around their shoulders in disarray...he stopped in his tracks , knowing what happened in that moment,and groaned loudly before bellowing out to the room of smiling Dwarves around who finally stopped dancing like loons.

"Oh by Mahal! Seriously! Can't you all ,for once, just answer a simple inquiry about our hair without breaking into some song and dance routine!" he roared out to the room...the humans jumped a little bit in their seats but the dwarves gathered about the room just grinned immensely at him...none fazed by his tone in the slightest. Thorin's blue eyes swept to where (Y/N) sat in her chair with eyes wide in surprise and he felt a sliver of dread inside of him that this was the breaking point in their relationship...who in their right mind would marry into this insanity of a kingdom. With stuttering breaths of worry in his chest he rushed over to her side and quickly took her hand into his own rough ones, hoping he could convince her to stay with him still. " Oh my beautiful Kardunah ( my heart). Please don't let this scare you away from me. I promise I will ban all absurd singing and dancing from Erebor if you just stay to be my Queen Under the Mountain." his voice held a deep resolve to do just that for her to make her happy...she also could hear his fears in that deep midnight velvet voice of his too. (Y/N) quickly shook herself out of her shock and reached over with her other hand that was not in his grasp to tenderly stroke his bearded face...giving him a smile filled with love. 

"My love. Do not worry...if a army of orcs and goblins couldn't make me run far away from you then a song of joyous passion for one's hair can not. Rest assure, my love, that i will not leave you...you are stuck with me till we both pass onto the other side in death where I am quite confident that we will be together forever there also. As to your promise of no more singing and dancing being allowed in our mighty home anymore...well I will be very displeased if that happens and I decree here and now that i will not be able to live in such conditions." she held her head proud as she declared her desires quite loudly to the room earning herself many sighs of relief and chuckles from the many darrows gathered within. Thorin was astounded at the temerity of this woman...seeing her poised form sitting before him, knowing she spoke to please his people...soon to be hers also, only made him love her more...with a smile at her he raised his hand high as he made his proclamation to all that gathered. 

"The Queen has spoken. As her first edict as acting Queen of Erebor, there will always be song and dance within these halls to bring great pleasure to her ears. I King Thorin second this decree to show soon to be Queen (Y/N) that I love her and wish to always make happy in this life." there was a loud cheer from all which made her blush in her seat...her joy at the acceptance of her soon to be people was short lived whenever Fili leaned over to whisper close enough that she could hear.

"You just made a big mistake Auntie." she glanced over at him with a confused expression at his remark. " Now they will never stop singing and dancing for you. Dwarves repertoire of songs are vast...spanning centuries..ranging into the ridiculous...the wackier the song the more we love it. Congratulations." he smiled with a wicked glint in his cerulean eyes at her..she suddenly hung her head as a groan tore from her as her brother began to laughed at her.

"Yeah...sis.. you just had to open your big mouth ." she gave him a disgusted look.

~ Sometimes she wondered why some people were the only child in a family...now she knew.What in the world did she get herself into this time...Really, there should be a manual to dwarf customs...especially the bizarre ones.~


End file.
